I was a poorly managed child in a very dangerous city, lucky to have had the chance to grow up when some of my associates did not. I am left feeling I lived longer than I deserved and knowing every day since has been a gift. But I am not undamaged. Unrelenting fear and the belief that survival was too much to hope for colored my years 7 through 10. Those times would become manifest in intrusive thoughts and dark, haunting dreams that would never go away or get better. Damage was done, people were hurt. Because I was only a small child I did not appreciate the damage that I was doing to others or to myself. I did not understand that the people I hurt would walk with me every day. They have questions, demand explanations. Any time, any place. Riding in a subway car or packed in an elevator with a hundred people. I will never really escape them. Now, in this repentant phase of my life, I want nothing more for myself except to find peace. I just want to walk lightly in the world, to do good and to do no more harm for the rest of my days. I try my best to live in the now where the ghosts of the old wrongs have the least power.